After I was verbally abused by a loved one years ago because she was angry and depressed I put up a guard and lived in fear especially with her. She has verbally abused me another time after that, but I just let it go and blamed it on her unhappiness. I still feared it would happen again, therefore I avoided her and walked on eggshells if I was around her. I changed my life so I would be around her too much, I talked less and stayed quiet to avoid backlash. I also feared it was all my fault for how she felt and I deserved the abuse.
Another fear I had was how she would act in the future if she didn’t find happiness.
After getting help and working on myself with a mentor I started to realize that nothing that happened was my fault– it was the dysfunction. I also began to realize that I could not dwell on the past or fear the future. I had to take things “One day at a time” I also started using a mantra ” pain is inevitable, suffering is optional ”
The pain I experienced was traumatic and the suffering horrible. I continued to have fear and worry about those instances playing it over in my head. Eventually, I found out it was holding me back. I had to leave my fears in the past and keep my focus on the person I want to become.
This experience helped me to grow as I accepted the hardship as the pathway to peace. I do not like it, but it was an awakening for me I had to move from living with the memory of that incident and letting it go. I went through the necessary grieving process.
Denial, bargaining, Anger, sadness, acceptance, guilt, obsession.
Good grief….I am healing 🙌🏼
NoFormula4Love 